My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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