There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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