Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
