dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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