Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
