I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
