a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
