I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
