Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
