when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
