I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize