lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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