Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
