The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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