You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
