is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
