you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
