I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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