everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
