You're earring is so big in my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
