Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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