I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
