I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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