Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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