im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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