I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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