im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
