My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
