i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
