so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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