mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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