I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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