Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
