too bad you live with your parents still
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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