Already got asked if we're dating
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
