Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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