JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
