I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
