Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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