All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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