erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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