umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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