I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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