Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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