you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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