I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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