You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
