u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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