I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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