question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
