only you would photoshop your dick
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
