Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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