Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
