my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
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