yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
