Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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