with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
