yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
