Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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