i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
