we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Randomize
