i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize