I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
