Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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