I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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