Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
