i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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