I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
