my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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