I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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