She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
