I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
