another moral hangover. fuck.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
