And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
